Backpast notes.....Time for recap

Song of the Day: Complicated by Avril Lavine

I cant even believe its been 3 weeks since my last entry, well yes I can. My life has been going 900 mph and im just now starting to hit the brakes. BUT THERE IS SOOOOO MUCH TO SAY. Guess Imma have to do it in the form of BACKPAST NOTES!!!

• Grandma is out of the hospital and in the nursing home. She is doing fine but she gives my mom hell from time to time. I hope when she goes home my mom can get get some much needed stress relief
• My sister moved her children out of the house. She found a nice condo and bought some furniture for a good price. Im proud of her for being independent!!!
• Work is work! A co-worker, Chasity, and I have become friends. She is sooo cool and we hang out from time to time.

Now for the real juice. I got "involved" with this guy, we will refer to him as Ric. He delivers food for the program I work for. I would speak to him when he came in and I called him once for a business matter, but we were basically strictly on a hi and bye basis. But Monday I had to call him for another business matter, and this Nigga decides to text me back. We texted for about 40 hours straight, when we were awake that is. It was nice. I thought he would be the summer fling I was looking for. Then he tells me he has a girlfriend....WHY LAWD!?!?!? He said we wanted to continue texting me so he did. He started getting raunchy. That should have been my cue to let him know the deal, but me being the hard headed person I am, I just played into it. Well some boundaries got crossed (not going into detail) and he felt some kind of regret. He told me he strictly wanted to be friends. That kinda hurt me, but he still texts me, sometimes more than what I want. I dont think he will keep this up for long. I feel that sooner than later he will be back to his old tricks. He thinks Im cute and he sees me 5 of 7 days in a week so.....(update to follow soon, I hope)

RECAP YALL!!!1

Song of the Day: Celebration by Kool & The Gang

WOW! I have learned so many things this summer. The ladies at my job keep me laughing, but they also teach me life lessons on a daily basis. May I share them with you?

• Be yourself, no matter what people say or do, you can only be YOU!
• A Puerto Rican Suitcase is a grocery bag, this is useful info no matter what.
• Never let a man worry you, especially if he is not your husband. Even if you love him to death, letting him fray your nerves is no good.
• Watch your mouth, you never know who may be listening.
• Be ye also ready.....nuff said.
• Laugh, A LOT

I am happy to report that my sister made it home from Iraq. She is fine and her children were very happy to see her. Im sure she was happy to see them as well. She is reporting to base in the morning but will be back on the weekend.

My fourth of July was ok. I worked most of the day but when i got off, I went to Elle's house for food. My mom, sister, and nieces were there and we had a good time. I went with Elle and her children to see the fireworks sponsored by my small city. They were ok, but we were late getting a good spot to watch them. I was just glad to be out. :)

Family Time

Song of the Day: Grandma's Hands by Bill Withers


Im a little sad, but not much. My grandmother had been complaining of chest and side pains for two or three days straight. My mom finally convinced her to go to the hospital. She is a very independent woman and doesnt like people to take care of her. I was a little upset when I went to see her at her house Thursday morning. She was in a lot of pain and her face told it all. I didnt like it and it felt like that would be the last time i would see her. Im glad my mom got her to go to the hospital. She was admitted on Friday and Tonight I am staying the night with her.

By the grace of God, my aunt, uncle, and cousin and my other grandma were coming down here this weekend anyway. It feels good to have the family together again. The last time they were down here, it was for a happy occasion. This time its a not so happy one. Im just glad all the family is together again and Im thankful we all pull together in a time of need.

It is true that the family is the basic unit. Without it, much will go undone. I believe that if the family structure would return to the state at which it once was, a lot of problems would be resolved and prevented. A family doesnt have to be a mother, father, and 2.5 kids, but any form of a solid, loving unit that will come together when the time is needed. Im thankful to the Lord that I have many units to band together on my behalf.

Rships.....OSN

Song of the Day: Mad by Ne-yo

The word "relationship" has not been defined in its proper terms. Everyone is in a relationship with everyone, but there are different kinds. I have relationships with my parents, my nieces, my co-workers and a select few people I call friends. The most obvious kinds of relationships are those you have with the opposite sex. They are also the most complicated. Why is this?

Im in a relationship that is "quite complex" (shout out to Khalifa). I have known this guy for a year and a half. We met over the internet and developed a relationship. We were deeply in love, but circumstances got in the way of what we wanted to achieve. As of right now we are not boyfriend and girlfriend, but we love one another. I dont want to be committed to anyone now, but he is always there for me, and you cannot deny that its not love.

On the other hand, the "online" thing is getting tiresome. We work different shifts and there is a significant difference in our ages. I want a man who is at a similar place in his life like I am in mine. I want someone physically and mentally attractive, God-fearing, in touch with his emotions and knows how to communicate them effectively. Near the top of that list is someone who will find me, and be interested in me, a man who is waiting for me, and seeking me. He will come, probably when I least expect it.

OSN, I was with my cousin today and we passes by the local corner store. Her mother was standing outside talking to her ex and his brother. She was not at all happy. They had a nasty break up and she wants nothing else to do with him. She told me that he stalks her when she visits her new boo and call her at 2 a.m. when no one is awake. He tryna talk to her on the low but she aint having it. He has a girlfriend but he wants her back. I think it has something to do with the fact that her name is tatted on his chest.

The Roughest Week Ever

Song of the Day: Large Amounts by Ludacris

OSN!!! I had one of the roughest weeks of my life. At my summer job, there was a lot of confusion going on. Mon-Thurs. a group of workforce kids come and help us get things done. YEAH RIGHT! Them niggas dont work for nothing. All they wanna do is come in, sit down, eat for free, and make fun of their supervisor, JO. She really aint no better than them. She doesnt really make them do anything because she just wants a check herself.

The meals we provide must be delivered. Everyday this week, there was a problem with delivery. Some people got their food late, some people didnt come pick it up. Alot of people got meals, but in the wrong quantities. It was a very hectic and busy week. It will all pay off when I get paid on the 26th. I wonder what I will purchase first. Im supposed to by a television, but i really want and iPod touch. I also want shoes, put IDK which to buy first, Nikes, VANS, Sperries, soooo many choices.

Lord please help me to enjoy the week ahead. Give me strength to complete the tasks that are set before me. Allow Your glory to shine through me, so that when people look at me, they will see You. Love me, Lead me and Guide me. Protect my mind and keep in strong. Make me into the person you would have me to be, IJN, Amen.

Im Fine!

Song of the Day: Halle Berry by Superstarr

This week at work, I surprised myself. Much credit to my mother for advising me to be professional. I was the best dressed thing up in there, everyday that week. Even though I am having some weight management issues, my mother and I make sure that my clothes game is on point. I guess that can make up for the 100+ extra pounds I carry on my frame. I recently found out that my ex lost a pile of weight....ugh. IDK why but I feel like I will be running into him at some point this summer, so I must be on my game at all times, even if Im just going to Wal-Mart.

Even though I dont possess the qualities most men would find appealing, I know Im fine and what I may lack in Physical appearance, I more than make up with intelligence, drive, personality, spirituality, sense of humor, and well-rounded ness. I know it, others know it, its just hard sometimes to actually live it out. From this point on, I affirm that Im fine as a B*tch, and err nigga wanna holla. :)

Side note: working 15 days straight aint no joke, but i gotta get some money, cant wait til im able to put music on my iPod touch =)

New Job Yall!!!

Song of the Day: Swag Suffer by FLY

OSN!!! I got the job at a non-profit organization that I have wanted since I volunteered here last summer. My mother also works here. Monday was my first day and it was fun. There is a lady here, we will refer to her as Elle, that is sooo funny. She has seven children and a husband who is kinda retarded. Everything Elle says is funny and she definitely has us cracking up all the time. The kitchen staff are some characters as well. Dee and Angel are two older ladies who have wierd philosophies on life. Dee talks really fast and likes to holler out of car windows when she goes places with my mother.... Angel cant talk at all and everyone picks on her, but she is always nice to me and take up for me. There is another monitor, that what I am, her name is Victoria and I cant stand her. She had a higher position last year but she got demoted because she never turned in her paper work on time. Last year there was another monitor with flaming red hair. She wasnt re-hired because last year, she never did her job and would go to random funerals when she was supposed to be on the clock.

I work with mostly African Americans, except for one man, but he may as well be black because you would never know he was white my hearing his voice. I love my people and my people love me. I like working with black peeps because we know how to have a good time. This group of people knows how to work first and have fun later. There is a tradition that on Fridays, everyone contributes money and we have and extra special lunch. Last year we had meatloaf, chicken, fish, breakfast, roast pork, and all the sides you could think of. I love the people here and my boss so nice. We can call her Angie. She is new to the program like me and in my interview I thought she was a little, "removed" from the culture, but she aint. She fits in with the rest of us and She is nice and understanding. Anytime I have a problem, she is calm and lets me know how to solve it. And the best part about this job, $11 and hour!!!!! :)

Shopping Spree!!!

Song of the Day: Through it in The Bag by Fabolous feat. The Dream

Wednesday I went on a mini- shopping spree with my mom and nieces. I felt bad for my mom because my nieces were acting extra ragedy. She kept having to spank them in public and as African Americans, we do physically discipline our children, but we dont like to do it in public. Im glad she went with me because she really helped me find some cute clothes. I was happy that I got the clothes that I did.

Later that night, a female friend and I went to Sonic for the free root beer floats. She dont even like root beer but she still went. I saw someone I knew there. This chick had on hot pink pink pants and a neon yellow, skin tight shirt....OSN. I was mad because I went to see her the day before and she had on the same thing, about to go somewhere. She wasnt tryna speak or anything. I really think she is a cool person but for some reason she acts like she dont like me. I hate when people do that. Oh well, its whatever.

I got the call of an almost lifetime. I got hired for this job that I wanted. I was so happy. I will finally be at a desk (kinda) and doing paperwork. And I will be doing a service to my community. And the people who work there are hilarious. I start Monday and one of the shirts I bought Wednesday will be a part of my "first day of work" outfit. Imma be soooo fly, I might be walking on the moon. I really hope there will be some fine looking men working with me, or that I just might come into contact with someone who will be on my level enough to chill with on occasion. Only time will tell......

Umm....what to do?!?!??!

Song of the Day: Day and Night by Kid Cudi

Once again I ran errands in my small city. It was about 90 degrees today and for some reason I dont have any shorts or reasonable short sleeve shirts. I went to see my elderly grandmother. I love her to death. I picked up some things from the local Wal-Mart. Ugh I feel like there is nothing here for me. I have yet to find my summer love, I have yet to receive my first pay check (tomorrow, yay!) and none of my friends seem to have time to chill. All I do all day is poke around, run errands, scope Facebook, and spend time at home, DOING NOTHING. I guess things will get better as time passes on. I plan to go shopping tomorrow. I cant wait to get up in the morning and check my bank account. I also plan to receive swimming privileges and the YWCA. I love to swim and its also a good way to get my beautiful Black body into shape.

There has been a lot of disturbing things happening in the media. I promise if I hear one more thing about John and Kate plus 8, i might just kill someone. If they are going to get divorced then thats fine, well not really, but ish happens. The kids are not being exploited and no child labor laws are being broken. Its reality tv, they are living life and being themselves. Divorces are real, children playing and whatnot is real. Peeps just need to leave them alone and watch or turn it off.

And then there is Spec. This nigga gonna grind on camera, call out R&B superstars and challenge them to a grind-off, but claim the video is for the ladies. He wanted them dudes to see him grinding in red drawls and wanted them to grind back. I wont say he is gay, but the video was definitely NOT for the ladies. It was for the niggas he called out. Oh well, who am I to judge? I wont judge, but I will call them like I see them.

The Weekend

Song of the Day: Gangsta Party by Yo Gotti

Friday I got a call from an old friend. I've known this chick since I was in the sixth grade. I hadnt seen her in about a year. She was trying to get a group of our friends together for a reunion dinner. I was excited to hear this for a number of reasons. I didnt have any plans for that night, I wanted to see some of these people, AND I DIDNT HAVE ANY PLANS FOR THAT NIGHT. To make a long story short, It was basically just me and her. Most of those African Americans couldnt make it for one reason or another. A guy friend of ours came extra late. He mostly paid attention to her, but I didnt mind. He was the type to go for her type and he aint nothing to be stuntin or pressed over. The night was good, but uneventful.

This morning, before work, I watch Joel Olsteen. I was about to watch Boondocks, but since I was unable to attend church, I needed a little word. He gave the most inspirational message I had ever heard. As of today, I am expecting My Lord to do remarkable things in my life. I believe that if I keep the faith and remain righteous, He will rain out blessing on my life and the lives that I touch. I love the Lord and He is good. I learned today that you will get what you expect. I will expect Jesus to flood my life with wonderful blessing, beyond anything I can imagine. I know He will do great things for the organizations I am in, and even for my enemies, they will get will what the Lord has in store for them. Oh what a feeling.......

Just Life

Song of the Day: My Life, Your Entertainment by T.I.

There are many things that I struggle with on a daily basis. I dont know why but there is a constant battle between good and evil going on with in me every day. I know the Lord knows what is going on, and I know that He will never put more on me that I am able to bare, it just seems crazy at times. Sometimes I feel that I want to abandon everything I have ever been taught and live life on the edge, not caring about the consequences or who I may hurt in the process. At other times, I live like a nun, not doing anything slightly out of order and I like it that way. There must be only one solution to this, I AM HUMAN.

Oh gosh! I guess I can only take it one day at a time and depend on the Lord to take me through it. He is the only one that is able. If more people would believe that, life would be easier. But it is waaaay easier said than done. Trust me, I know. In the back of my mind I know it to be true, but to truly live it out is the true victory. I know one day I will get there and when I do, no one will ever look at me, or treat me the same ever again.

Memorial Day Weekend

Song of the Day: Today was a Good Day by Ice Cube

My aunt and uncle and cousin came down to my small city for my cousin's graduation. We all were very proud of him. He is a very smart individual who made some dumb decisions, but that God he got it together.

For the first time in a long time, I got to sit on the front porch of my grandmother's house and catch up with my family. It felt so good. If I could, I would do that everyday, or at least every weekend. I only wish that my aunt would have invested in some candles to keep the mosquitoes away. These bites on my ankles, arms, fingers, and legs are driving me crazy.

Sorry such a short post. Im just extra excited about seeing my family. Also I want to keep it positive and leave the negative happenings in the past where they belong.

Hip-Hop....WTH!!??

Song of the Day: Hip-Hop is Dead by Nas

Recently I viewed a radio interview with Rick Ross' baby momma. She is publishing a book (through G-unit, Strike 1) telling her story and the deepest aspects of their relationship. She talks about how small his penis is, how little he pays in child support and how wack he was for being a former police officer. Maybe I have been out of the loop since I dont watch nearly as much BET as I used to, but I dont see anything wrong with being a police officer turned rapper. Ross had to get his paper somehow. Anyway, is this what hip-hop has come too? Do people really think that the only way to promote themselves is to point out the downfalls of others? Why is this hoe so bitter? Let's assume that he really isnt paying child support (this girl accusing Ross of not paying, Strike 2), why wont she just have him in court getting an order for him to pay? Obviously, she doesnt truly care about her children. She wants to be a famous "baby momma of a rapper". I dont believe any self respecting woman would put herself or her children through the hoops of the media circus. She is also wrong for putting out all of his business. No one needs to know their bedroom business. And why G-Unit.....????? The wackest "confederation" in hip-hop, well next to Bad Boy,and she decides to align herself with 50.....DOES SHE WANT TO BE CLOWNED FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE!?!?!?!?

Why hip-hip? What happened to simple beefs, the ones that end when the two rappers call a peaceful truce and do a hot collaboration that everyone will bump in the summertime. Why do rappers have to get personal with one another? I believe that personal attacks come about when a rapper (50) feel like he cannot attack his opponent (Ross) lyrically. Ugh, is this what we are teaching the future generations? I hope to the Lord not. I hope this foolishness stops, or I might be forced to break out my old Ludacris cds just to get my daily supply of superb lyrical content.

Im a Working girl.....

Song of the day: Clockwork by Juelz Santana

Ok, I started working again at my first an only job, cashier at a grocery store. It hit me that I have been working there seasonally for three years, GO ME!!!! Most of the people were happy to see me again and I was happy to know everyone was still employed. The recession has hit my small city hard and lots of people have been laied off or are on a modified schedule. Thank God He watches over my family, friends, acquaintances and myself.

I feel like I am an efficient worker. I do what Im told and rarely need the help of a supervisor. I kinda like my job, but I hate wearing a uniform, standing on my feel all day, and dealing with customers who are mean and unappreciative. My "professional" job will start soon and I cannot wait.

Today something happened at work that pissed me off. Two African American men came in the store. As they came through my line, one guy was planning on buying a alcoholic energy drink. He laid the drink on the counter and walked out. His friend got a very upset look on his face and stood there, wondering what would happen next. He assumed his friend went to the car to get some more money. After about a minute, the second male left the store as well. I saw them both in a car. They proceeded to leave the store parking lot. I was so upset. What really happened?

Is it wrong that I feel other races judge all African Americans by the actions of a few? Maybe. I feel that other races do judge all African Americans by the actions of a few. Sometimes I judge other races the same way. It may be wrong, but we are all human. We cant help but to think that way. It goes back to Uncertainty Reduction Theory. This theory has a lot to do with the way people of other cultures interact and communicate with one another. Even though uncertainty is high, and an initial interaction has yet to take place, people of different races may think a certain way about a person of another race because of what they have seen. I feel it is the duty of all human kind to represent their race as the best one. Be care of how you act in public, you may be helping someone to for form a negative opinion about your race as a whole

Prom Season is Killa Season...lol

Song of the day: Fancy by The Dream

Today was interesting, finally. The main thing that stuck out in my mind (maybe because it is the most recent) is the prom of the local high school. OMG some of those dresses were beautiful, some of them were a hot mess. I don't know. Maybe I have been away too long or maybe I am starting to mature, but those teenagers were ooozing with "ghetto". As bad as that may sound, It is the honest truth. I saw fan dressed, tu-tu dresses, paper mache accents, loud pastels, pearlized gray-pink, pimp canes, and not to mention the weaves..Those kids aint know what good fashion sense was. I just couldn't help but to wonder, "Is this what is really hot in the street now"? Does my African American culture believe that the loudest, most revealing article of clothing is the best one? I refuse to believe so. Some one has mis-educated the youth and told them it was cute to look a mess. Where are the mentors? We need some older, wiser, stronger citizens to lead the younger people in the right direction.

What would the world be like if everyone had common sense? Quite boring. There would not be anything to laugh at. But there would also not be a reason for my soul to shed tears from time to time.

First and Second full days home

Song of the day: Homecoming by Kanye West feat. Chris Martin

Yesterday was my first full day home. It felt good to wake up in my own bed. I didnt have to wake up early either, always a plus. Not a very eventful day. I did get to see some of my favorite people. My cousins, grandmother, hairdresser. I love them to death. Today was more eventful but not by much. I turned in my job application in a small town outside of the small city I live in. It was wierd driving through there. I graduated from high school there but I didnt want to be there agian. On the other hand, I had the urge to stop by my old high school. That urge quickly left. My hairdresser and I caught up. She even did my eyebrows for free. That really completed a much needed "Re-bossing". I ran errands for my mother, and then came home. Played with the nieces and then put them to bed. I have been looking for something interesting and age appropriate (18+) to do. That is very hard here. There arent that many clubs, not that I like to club but I think you know what I mean. Everything here is for kids, like skating, walking around the mall, Im just too old for that sort of thing. I would really love the hang out with my cousin, but she is preparing for her senior prom tomorrow. That should be interesting.

My love life is starting to suffer as well. I still keep in contact with my ex, who I love with all my heart. He lives about 13 hours away so seeing him is not in the question. I am single, so I am looking for someone to chill with, not a relationship, but someone who will be there when I want them and will go away when I need them to. There arent a lot of men who live here that have the qualities I desire in a friend, but I havent looked in a while either. I guess we will see in the future, the near future I hope.

Basic Info

Ok, I told myself that I would blog this summer. My two best college friends told me that would be a great idea. I hope they are right.

Ok Im a college student. Im home for the summer in my small city that I love and hate. You will see why as I add posts.

I am an African American Woman. I love certain things about my culture, and hate others.

I am a firm believer that the Lord Jesus Christ is the son of God, died for my sins, is resurrected, and will return again to take the believers in Him to a home in paradise. I express my belief often, but will not force others to believe in the same. Each person is responsible for their home in the after life. It is my responsibility to make sure that people know what happened on the cross.

I LOVE MUSIC! I listen to a lot of different kinds and will usually put a song of the day and the beginning of each post.

IDK what else to say. I dont want all my business out on the internet. I do want people to be able to understand what I am talking about. Oh well, we will see how that goes as time passes on.

I just arrived home today. Tomorrow will be the first full official day of my summer vacation so who knows what will happen then.